Today is the 37th holiest day of the year. Columbus Day! The day we celebrate the much hallowed voyage of Christopher Columbus who sailed the ocean blue in 1492, to Discover America.

F**k Columbus! You can't wander into someone's backyard and start discovering s**t. I remember as a child, I tried to discover some apples from the tree in Mrs. Johnson's garden. After Mrs. Johnson told my mom, I discovered an ass beating that American historians still talk about to this day. They should put that s**t on a calendar!

He was looking for India and instead found what is known today as America, and just started calling the people there Indians. You don't go out on a blind date with Stephanie, show up at the wrong house, take out Shirley instead and keep calling her Stephanie all night. "Please stop calling me Stephanie, and how did you get into my house?" "Shut up Stephanie! I discovered this blind date and I'll call you whatever I please! Now, do you want to drive to the movies in the Nina, the Pinta or the Ford Taurus?"

So on October 13th, I will commemorate Columbus Day the same way I do every year. By making a bunch of wrong turns and giving some Native Americans smallpox.

Happy Holidays Everybody!
Love, Chris Davis

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